My soul waits in silence. 

My soul waits in silence for God only. From Him is my salvation. He is my rock my stronghold, I shall not be greatly shaken. – Psalm 62:1

My soul waits in silence for God only. I’m surrendered to His will, His plan, and His purpose for this… This that feels so painfully wrong and unfair. This that has broken my heart over and over again for the last three years. 

I have cancer again. Well, I guess it never left. It’s everywhere it could be (bones, liver, lungs). Unfortunately, stage 4 breast cancer that metastasizes to other parts of your body is uncurable and terminal.  There is treatment I can do to hold it off for as long as possible, but eventually treatment will stop working. It will be a balance of quality-of-life versus quantity, because treatment makes me sick as well. I feel great right now, the absolute best I have felt in three years. I have no symptoms whatsoever. 

Sadly, I got this news the day after my final reconstruction surgery on January 23rd. I literally thought I was done for sure this time,  then this . I have decided to quit working and spend all my time with my children, doodles, family and friends. I plan on having a passionate love affair with cheese platters, crusty baguettes & European butter, risotto and red wine. I have also decided to spend my quiet moments here sharing all my stories , prayers and devotionals that fill the pages of my journals. 

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul like a weened child rests against its mother, my soul is a weaned child within me. – Psalm 131

My soul is indeed quiet within me and I feel at rest. This doesn’t mean I don’t cry or grieve, but beneath the tears I am at rest.  I have no idea what is going to happen, but I know that there will probably be a great amount of suffering. However, I  believe that there is unimaginable beauty in suffering. It’s not a concept that can be fully grasped  unless you have experienced it firsthand. It’s giving up what you feel (pain,shock, devastation) and replacing it with what you know to be true, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. I am consciously choosing to seek out and affirm the goodness that surrounds me . What is true? God is good. I strongly believe not everything that feels bad is bad and not everything that feels good is good. Only God is good and He loves me. His plan and purpose for my life are not something I fully need to understand to accept. He has allowed this for me and so this too I wholeheartedly believe is good.

In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider God has made the one as well as the other. – Proverbs 7:14

It’s in this time of adversity that I am leaning deep into the character of my God. I am clinging to who I know He is. He is my strength, my stronghold, my security, my protector, my refuge. He is the Alpha and Omega the great I AM.  In Him, I am completely loved and safe. He alone can be trusted. I know He will walk with me through this. He will hold my hand and be with me until the end and then we will be together for eternity.  I know that I am His and I will continue to deny myself and walk forward, carrying my cross – I will be obedient unto death. 

You Lord are my hope and I shall not be greatly shaken.  Yes… my soul waits in silence for God only. 

24 comments… add one
  • Liz Schmitt March 29, 2017, 1:07 pm

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers. May your faith sustain you in the times ahead.

  • Betsy Haley March 29, 2017, 1:26 pm

    Louise

    I’m heartbroken to hear this. Wishing you peace and love and every wonderful moment you are able to muster with your family.

    All my love
    Betsy

    • Chef Louise Mellor March 29, 2017, 2:16 pm

      Your doggie pics make me so happy keep sharing that little wiener dog!

  • Erika Kerekes March 29, 2017, 1:46 pm

    I’m so sad to hear this. Sending you and your family lots of love.

  • Valentina March 29, 2017, 1:59 pm

    Louise, I’m so very sad to hear this. You are such a beautiful soul and I will be sending you daily thoughts of love, warmth, hope and the most positive thoughts ever towards healing. What a wonderful family you have, and the cutest dogs ever to snuggle up with you. Lots and lots of love, Valentina

  • Adair Seldon March 29, 2017, 2:15 pm

    I am speechless, but I know your faith and family will sustain you. Your grace and courage are truly an inspiration. If I can help in any way, please reach out. You’ll be in my thoughts and meditations. XO

  • Liz Hall March 29, 2017, 2:22 pm

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong!

  • rachel March 29, 2017, 2:25 pm

    to say. I don’t know what to say. You’ve touched me in more ways than you will ever know. Your strength got me through (and continues to) some very hard times.

  • Dorothy Reinhold March 29, 2017, 2:27 pm

    You take my breath away with your bravery, faith and ultimate love. Thank you for sharing yourself with us on your journey, Louise. Sending all my thoughts and hope to you and your whole family.

    • Chef Louise Mellor March 29, 2017, 2:28 pm

      ❤️

  • Christina March 29, 2017, 2:53 pm

    Miracles happen, and my cousin who had cancer twice, is living proof. Doctors have no idea why she is still here. Praying for you, Louise. xx

  • Deanna Nelson March 29, 2017, 3:47 pm

    I’m at a loss for words. My humanly heart aches for you, your parents, brother, husband, children and friends. I am so happy that you have peace in your heart and faith in God. Knowing that we who are believers will meet again and and have eternity together is a comfort. It’s still not fair! I love you, my friend!

  • Dorothy Salvatori March 29, 2017, 4:16 pm

    Much love & light coming your way. My thought and prayers are with you.

  • Cathy/showfoodchef March 29, 2017, 4:51 pm

    YOU have such a purposeful life and your every breath inspires. Sending love and prayers.

  • Lizzie March 29, 2017, 9:56 pm

    Bless you louise. What a gift you are, a beautiful soul. May each moment you spend be exactly how you want it to be. Thank you for sharing your journey and reminding us all of the preciousness of each day. Much love to you!

  • TRacy Chung March 29, 2017, 11:33 pm

    Oh my beautiful friend. I cry with you during this time. I rejoice with you in your incredible faith and how you have chosen to trust the Lord through all of this. We are so blessed by your light, beautiful one! Much love to you my sister in Christ. ??

  • Dana March 30, 2017, 7:13 am

    You are an incredible woman. You have shown such courage. I am so in awe of your commitment to the Lord and I will be praying for you and for a miracle. Our God still performs miracles!!!

  • Sara March 30, 2017, 7:19 am

    Oh I wish I knew what to say. What a horrible diagnosis and yet you continue to sparkle and share. Sending lots of prayers and hugs to you and your family.

  • Nicole Grasso Reid March 30, 2017, 11:31 am

    Louise I am so so sad to hear of this, you are a very strong women and I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you lots of love and hugs. God bless you

  • Stephanie Weaver, MPH, CWHC March 30, 2017, 12:01 pm

    Louise, I am so very sorry to hear this. I sort of guessed from recent posts on FB that this might be happening. Know that you are sustained by the love all around you. Sending you lots of grace in this time of your life. XOXO

  • Julia Humphrey March 30, 2017, 4:18 pm

    You are a beautiful example of His supernatural peace and incredible strength! I’m praying with all of my heart ❤️!

  • Lorrie Brand March 30, 2017, 7:06 pm

    Louise, I remember the day you brought your husband to our old neighborhoos to see where you said you spent your happiest days. When Meridith told me about your new vocation as a marvelous chef, I was so proud of you. I am so sorry to read this. It is the first I’ve heard of you in ages, and in my mind you are still a little girl. Hang on to your faith. God will never leave you, and don’t you ever leave him. You are in my prayers.

  • Dana @ Foodie Goes Healthy March 30, 2017, 10:29 pm

    Your words are as beautiful as you are. I’m sad to hear your news. I’m sending you love and light. Thinking of you. ❤️

  • Lana Watkins March 31, 2017, 11:36 am

    Louise, I am writing through tears. I had to read your post three times, each time hoping that I misread, wishing for an error in writing. I am beyond sad and nothing comes to mind when I think of words of comfort. Just know that you made my life richer and brighter. I admire your strength, in body and in spirit. If there is anything I can do for you or your family, I am here. Sending you all my love and a thousand bear hugs.

Leave a Comment