me & breast cancer

December 20, 2013
I woke up today with cancer.  I woke up yesterday with cancer, but I just didn’t know it.  What is different?  Nothing is different, except my mindset.  I have the choice to choose what I will believe about this cancer that is temporarily in my body.  I have many choices ahead of me about my medical treatment that apply to my physical body, but I also have choices, maybe even more important choices, that will affect my mind, my spirit, and ultimately my body and its ability to heal.
Just like you can’t imagine what it will feel like to birth a child and love it, it isn’t until you see their little face – it’s at that moment that your life changes.  Likewise for me with my diagnosis. Until I actually heard those words from my doctor “The biopsy shows that you have beast cancer”, there was really no way to prepare for the reality of how I would feel.
What has been most revealing to me about how I feel about this, are the words I have had a hard time contemplating when speaking of it.  When I am writing an email to a friend, texting, or chatting online, I have a hard time picking descriptive words.  If I were having a child, I would say, “I have some exciting news!” But when it comes to telling people I have cancer, I am stumped.  If I say, I have some “bad” news or if I say, “I found out the results, and it’s not good.” – What do these kinds of negative words say to my spirit and then my body? What kind of double message am I speaking to my inner self?
I am choosing to believe that this cancer in my body is good and that God allowed it for my good. I believe that God is good, that I am His and He is mine.  My thoughts are not His thoughts and His ways are not my ways – so who am I to say that what I may think is “bad” is actually good.  The ultimate example of this is Jesus on the cross.  The way of suffering is how God chose to reveal His great love to us in Jesus.  Without faith, the cross is brutal, ugly, unfair, and “bad”.  But for those of us who believe, it is the power of God to save His people, because He loves us.  This alone is the foundation of my faith and if I confess this belief – then who am I to question that this cancer isn’t “good”.
So friends, I have some exciting news to share with you, I have cancer! I hung up the phone and thanked God for it. Sounds crazy but, I poured a glass of champagne and celebrated.  I am already feeling the inner peace that transcends understanding that comes from clinging to God on a moment to moment basis in prayer.  Anybody who knows me, knows that I am the happiest and most joyful when I am deep in the Word and walking hand in hand with Jesus.  I am excited to see God unveil the beauty He has for me on this journey.  I know with confidence it is going to be more than I could ever ask for or imagine.  I am looking forward to drawing closer to my friends and family.  This journey has only begun and I already feel so loved by all of you, what a blessing to have people like you in my life.
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